Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize