she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
