my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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