I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize