Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
