Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize