ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
