that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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