someone get that fucking seahorse.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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