Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
