it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
