the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
