I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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