barbara walters just said penis...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
