weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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