and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
