1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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