Im at strip club and am horny
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
