If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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