so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We got so high we made milksteak
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
