he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
