Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
