i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
