got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
