Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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