I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
