1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
