haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
