i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
