There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
