I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
