There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
