I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
