hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
420 ftw
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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