Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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