My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
