im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
