the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
