it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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