Fine. I'll sleep in my office
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
