hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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