Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
