i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
