Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
