i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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