He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
