i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
