For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
