Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
