i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
