Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
