I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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