He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
