You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
