we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
