As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
