the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
