who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize