ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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