ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
