I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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