Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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