My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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