could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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