That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize