Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
