would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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