IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Who died my cat blue again?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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