Barsexuality is the new black.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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