So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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