So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
