Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
