My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
