Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
