let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this will be a night to untag.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
