They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
