i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize