I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
