we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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