I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize