So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
