Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
