He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
