Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
