video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
