at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
