I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
