we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
