She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
