dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
