i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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