I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I understand Curling. That high.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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