I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
