i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
