At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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