Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
