im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
