Got a toothbrush?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
