Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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